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Nick came barreling down the stairs and said “Little Dude, Maria and your Mom are in the back yard, now is our chance.” I stared at him not sure of what he meant “he grabbed a large clear plastic bag from under the kitchen sink and then ran toward the laundry area. He flipped open the lid on the trunk as he ordered me to his side. “Here, hold the bag open for me” he said. Nick reached into the trunk and grabbed at the pantyhose with both hands. Furiously he stuffed them into the bag. Fistfuls of pantyhose were flying into the awaiting bag.Nick took hold of the top of the trash bag and shook it to settle the pantyhose. The bag was half full. Nick reached back into the trunk and returned to grabbing up pantyhose. Now the bag was nearly full. He again shook the bag to settle the contents, he then tied it closed. He asked me if I remembered if our car was unlocked. I told him I thought it was. He bolted up the stairs with the bag of pantyhose and me following behind him. He looked out. She kept at it for at least five minutes even though I asked her to stop. I grabbed my long hard shaft and turned toward her, threatening her with it. "How the hell am I going to improve my pitching wedge if that fucking collie won't take my practice balls out of her mouth?" I wondered. I have a big tournament this weekend... (Please attach rest of story... )INTRO #2: I spread apart those well turned legs looking for that divine honey pot that I knew was sure to be there. My practiced eye traveled up one leg until I spotted it. Sure enough, "Miller's Honey Box" was stamped on the side and I knew I had found another antique treasure from the 1920's. The sturdy little piece of furniture had stood quietly in the back of the store... (Please attach rest of story... )INTRO #3: It was a dark and stormy night... (On second thought, skip this one. It's a stupid opening and totally unbelievable anyway.)Which brings me to my last point. We have to stop using dumb openings to these things. Just.
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